Mistakes Writers Make With Morally Gray Women
... And How to Fix Them
Some of the most captivating characters in contemporary fiction are morally ambiguous women, even though they are often misinterpreted and poorly executed. When men are morally gray, readers call them “complex,” “layered,” and “magnetic.” When women are morally gray, they’re often dismissed as “unlikable,” “irrational,” or “angry for no reason.”
This double standard is exactly why writing morally gray women requires intentional craft. Too often, writers fall into traps that turn potentially dynamic heroines into clichés, villains, or flat stereotypes.
Let's examine the typical errors and how to prevent them.
1. Making Her Morally Gray… But Giving Her No Moral Code
Many writers confuse moral ambiguity with random chaos.
A morally gray FMC still needs:
a belief system
motivations
boundaries
rules she operates by
Without a code, she looks unpredictable in a sloppy way, not a dangerous way.
Fix:
Give her a personal code she follows even when it conflicts with society’s expectations.
2. Relying on Trauma Instead of Personality
Too many FMCs are built around trauma, not identity.
Writers often lean on:
a tragic past
abuse backstory
betrayal from family/lovers
sexual violence (overused and unnecessary)
Trauma becomes her entire personality.
Fix:
Her trauma explains her worldview, but it should not define her entire behavior.
Show her humor, interests, preferences, quirks, flaws, and strengths outside the wound.
3. Confusing “Cold” With “Strong.”
Many morally gray FMCs become robotic, emotionless statues.
They:
don’t react
don’t feel
don’t soften
don’t express desire
don’t show vulnerability
This makes her feel like a glitched NPC rather than a human.
Fix:
Let her feel deeply — she just hides it, controls it, or wields it strategically.
4. Making Her Un-relatable Instead of Complex
Morally gray women can be ruthless or selfish, but they must remain relatable.
Common pitfalls:
She’s cruel to everyone
She has no empathy at all
She lashes out at allies for no reason
She never admits mistakes
She’s impossible to root for
A character readers cannot connect to is not “morally gray” — she’s alien.
Fix:
Ground her in relatable desires:
freedom
safety
power
justice
love
survival
Let readers understand (even if they don’t agree with) her choices.
5. Making Her Entire Arc About Redemption
Writers often panic and try to “fix” her.
Suddenly, she becomes:
sweet
apologetic
self-sacrificing
compliant
morally upright
This erases everything that made her unique.
Fix:
She can grow without being “redeemed.”
Give her:
self-awareness
new perspective
new priorities
without stripping her agency.
6. Letting the Love Interest Dominate Her Arc
A common trap: the MMC becomes the story’s center, and she becomes reactive.
She:
waits for his permission
reacts to his decisions
softens only in his growth
exists only to be protected
This shrinks her power.
Fix:
Her romance should complicate her life, not consume it.
She should challenge him as much as he challenges her.
7. Turning Her Into a Villain Because Readers Don’t Like Her
When readers say:
“She’s unlikable.”
“She makes bad choices.”
“She’s too angry.”
Writers get scared and change direction.
But morally gray women SHOULD:
challenge expectations
provoke emotional reactions
exist outside gender stereotypes
Fix:
Stay firm in her characterization.
Not every reader needs to like her — they need to understand her.
8. Giving Her No Competence (or Too Much)
Some writers make her too skilled too fast.
Others make her incompetent then call her “morally gray.”
Neither works.
Fix:
Find balance:
She should excel in specific areas.
She should struggle in others.
She should make mistakes that matter.
She should face consequences.
Competence + flaw = compelling.
9. Making Her Only an “Antihero” To Contrast the MMC
Some FMCs are written as accessories to prove how “good” or “patient” the MMC is.
She becomes:
a prop
a lesson
a foil
a narrative device
Instead of a person.
Fix:
Develop her independently of the male lead.
Her arc should stand even if he vanished from the story.
10. Forgetting to Make Her Soft in Select Ways
Softness is not weakness — it’s strategic.
The most powerful morally gray FMCs exhibit:
loyalty
selective tenderness
protective instincts
emotional intelligence
But only for chosen people.
Fix:
Give her softness that is earned, not automatic.
Make her vulnerability intentional, not accidental.
Closing Thought
A morally gray woman is not a villain to punish or a heroine to sanitize.
She is a force — unpredictable, sharp, layered, and real.
Her power is in her duality, not her perfection.
Write her with honesty.
Write her with contradiction.
Write her with intention.
And trust readers to meet her where she is — in the beautiful, dangerous gray.
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